Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Deployment: Hot Topic #1

     I am calling this “Hot Topic” because this is one of the things no one ever seems to want to talk about. Most of us don’t like to admit “hot topic’s” even exist! We talk about missing our men, we talk about Mr. Murphy and how he likes to visit. We are very open about kid problems, there emotions and adapting issues. As a community we are getting better about talking about depression. But there are few things I have noticed that even I dislike admitting to or talking about. even though they are, or very much can be a part of the deployment package.

     The hot topic I want to talk about today is insecurities or jealousy. Our men often work closely with women.  I have a very strong and healthy marriage. when he is home I would say my jealous bone is located at the very tip of my pinky toe. It is very small and it takes a heck of a lot to make that silly bone act up. outside of deployment, under normal circumstances I would say my jealous bone is pretty hard to find. The only time I can remember having a truly insecure or jealous moment. Was when I was pregnant and my husband was invited to a friends going away party at a strip club. Yeah, that whole over-emotional, hyper hormone, feeling fat and the idea of him being around skinny less then dressed women. That was not a very good combination for my insecurities and jealous bone. Thankfully my husband is awesome and not only understood but took the time to reassure and talk to me about it. Come to think of it I do not exactly consider pregnancy normal circumstances.  The point is the same regardless, I am not a very jealous or insecure woman in generally.

     On the other hand put me a few months into deployment, with many months to go. Then add in the knowledge he is around a lot of woman. socializing with women and well that silly jealousy bone is like a computer virus trying to spread. (Click any button to continue! ha ha, you clicked, I shall take over your world.) Ok, so I am not that bad. But you get the point. I am much more sensitive and things I would normally not react to or worry about can cause a moment of I’ll call it “emotion in motion.”

Honey a couple of my “coworkers” and I played corn hole last night after work. The majority of players were women.
 ~My deployment reaction, Insecurities virus has been activated! Standby for total annihilation!
~Reality, he works 12 hour days 7 days a week and deserves down time. He loves and misses me. I am glad he was able to have some fun with some friends.

     If you bring this up insecurities on a forum or to other wives a lot of times the initial response is: you need to seek counseling and/or you just need to “trust your man.” They are right that you have to remind yourself that you trust your spouse. But, what I dislike is the lack of acknowledgement that a lot of spouses face this issue. Having moments here and there of insecurity or jealousy does not mean you or your relationship is damaged or in trouble. In my opinion, it means your human, capable of error and that you have emotions and feelings and they can not always be controlled by our brains. Don’t misunderstand me, acting out based on those feelings is in our control. So don’t beat yourself or him up when you feel insecure. Acknowledge it for what it is and find a way to move past it. Maybe you have good communication with your spouse and can tell him how your feeling and get the reassurance you need. Maybe all you need is to remind yourself that he loves you and is missing you too!

     I am not a counselor or social worker, so I can not give professional advice. If you have sever insecurities please do seek help. But, it you are like me and just have “moments” I just want to say. Ugh, those moments Suck! I‘ve been there too!

It is one of the unwanted gifts of deployment that sometimes arrive at our doors! 

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