As the years go by it seemed every time he and I would go on a date. We are a friendly couple so we would always make friends and chat with others while we were out. At some point it never failed that at least one person would tell us we were a cute couple. I would laugh hysterically on the inside, knowing my husband would be laughing but at the same time recoiling with every word. The mental image of him pouting and saying “I’m not cute.“ makes it all the more “cute.“ I believed people were saying it as a compliment but, I would be left wondering what exactly do they mean. Do they mean we are a young couple, after the 3rd and 4th year of Marriage I could not help but think that we were not exactly newlyweds anymore. Was it because we are both looked young? Were they referring to our relationship? What exact did they mean?
Shortly after my husband deployed this time I figured it out because I noticed the other “cute” couples around me. The word “cute” truly was being misused but how do you tell a person. You two look very much “in-love” It sounds a bit invasive and awkward. My reply to something like that would probably be more in the sarcastic realm of well since I married him I guess that’s a good thing. Or, it’s a relief to have you know I didn’t just get in this for the wonderful military pay, PCS’s and deployments. Ok, so I might not actually say those things but they would roll through my head as I do tend to be a bit sarcastic in nature but have pretty good couth.
Saying you’re a cute couple sounds more passive and acceptable.
My husband told me a story last night about a service member he was joking around with. At one point he told the guy. “no worries man, I’ll be at your funeral” the guy looked at him and my husband explained. You see I don’t make a point of ticking off my wife so I am going to live longer then you. So I’ll attend your funeral. I could not help but laugh at this. The guy replied with something to the effect of I don’t have the same relationship as you. Your wife is like your girl friend, your best friend, and wife all in one. Mine is not like that. My husband quickly used this as an opportunity to mentor some of the guys on relationships a bit and how not have you life span cut short by an angry wife. I was impressed by his use of comedy to try to mentor others but more importantly I was astounded to find out our “cuteness” is apparent even separated by continents and deployment.
I hope you are also part of a “cute” couple and not married to one of the guys my husband is already planning to attend funerals for. :)
I forgot to say how my husband and I stay a “cute” couple.
We communicate, communicate, communicate. Not just about problems and goals but about everything. It is common especially in the summer to find him and I sitting on the back porch one evening every weekend. Phones out of site! Having a glass of wine or what ever it is we desire and just talk. Sometimes its about problems or plans. But sometimes its just about current events or joking around. You know how when a friend stops by you can spend hours just getting caught up on the last weeks rumors and life. My husband and I do that. Its not always possible during the week to sit down and b.s. so we make time on the weekends.
Affection, I am not saying smother you loved one but I am saying stop sometimes during a busy day and put you hand oh there arm for a second in passing or tap them on the bottom. Stop and give them a little kiss for no reason other then to say I Love you with out saying it. Hold there hand once in a while. You know your spouse and what you feel comfortable doing but you would be surprised how many men thrive on little touches.
Flirt, that’s right flirt with your husband. Why is it after being married a little while we forget to do this I do not know. But flirting is so easy and a great tool to use to make yourself feel good and them too. Send him a text with an innuendo, wear a little skirt just for him. Tell him how handsome he looks. Flirting dose not always mean you are aiming for the good stuff but it can fill both of your ego cups and a few other things as well. Besides its fun!
Have dates! Just because you are married don’t stop dating! Dating is fun and it leads to communicating, it keeps the fires alive and …. Please please remember to date your husband.
I believe its when we stop doing the things newlyweds and dating couples do naturally that we start to feel a bit like room-mates. The flame starts to flicker. Some things change with time but you don’t have to start acting like an old couple just because you have been married for over a year. Remember how you use to act when you first fell in love the silly things you would do just for him. You can still do them, or if you never did you can always start.
I hear a lot of couples say how they wish there spouse would do XYZ, bring them home an unexpected gift or flowers or take them on a date. The first thing I normally say is, well when is the last time you did these things for him or communicated that you wanted it. No yelling does not count as communicating. Leave him a special treat that he will find in his car when he leaves for work the next day. You know he likes lotto tickets, well buy him one just to be silly. If you do these things for them most not all but most guys will get a clue and do something nice for you as well! You want a date, plan one! Then ask him to plan the next one! But be realistic, if you know he is horrible at picking a date. Do it for him or if he struggles with child care, help him out. Don't make it so hard for him to give you what you desire that it never gets done or he gets frustrated and never wants to do it again.
If your husband is not the type to take hints, because lets face it. Some of them just do not take hints no matter how blunt they are. After doing nice things for him. Nicely say you know, I would like it if you did this for me sometimes too. I love flowers and chocolates!
A great relationship takes work, time and effort. The more you put in the more you get out! So what do you do to "nurture" your relationship?
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