Monday, May 20, 2013

I want OUT!

What's wrong with wanting to build a play ground in your back yard and not wanting to worry about if the investment is worth it because you will be moving in a couple years?

Whats wrong with wanting to give that sense of "home" to my children a place of stability?

Whats wrong with wanting to plant flowers and know I'll see them bloom more then once?

Whats wrong with wanting to be close to family and wanting to see them more then once a year?

I want to mow and tend my lawn and property and make it beautiful for myself not for whoever lives here once I'm gone!

I don't want to worry about how much furniture or what cars I buy. Those decisions should not be based on there ability to be sold or moved. Why is it wrong to want to build a forever home!

I have been told we are past the point of no return, this many years in getting out now is dumb. When I tell people my husband and I are debating going Reserves vs Active next time. People are judgmental and condescending.

Why, I ask?

Why is dumb to want my own life? Not the one issued to us! Picking where I live is a novel concept!
 Why is it dumb to not want to have to worry about moving or the next set of orders to the next unit that could be great or could be shitty. Its a roll of the dice!
 Why am I seen as a black sheep because I love my husband and I am proud of what he has done but I don't want this Active duty life forever. 

I asked my husband after we met to tell me about himself. His answer was that he was a Marine. I asked him what else he was. He had to think to answer because being a Marine in all its good and bad had become a huge part of his identity. As the years go on, I can't help but notice when I explain myself I say "I am a Marine Wife!" It has become a huge part of my identity. I am not trying to say that being a Marine or a service member wife is not something to be proud of. But, i am saying I dislike that it has become such a huge part of my identity. There is more to me then that!

Going reserves means he will still be giving to his country! I will still deal with training and deployments and.... but I will be able to make a home for our children. I'll be able to live close to family, so when I need help they are a few hours away not a few flights and give or take a couple thousand dollars away. Sure my husbands retirement will be put off a while but he will be able to start his second career sooner and no one can live off Military Retirement alone well unless maybe you retire as a General. He will be able to build a life outside of the Military as well but he can always go activate reserves if he starts missing it to much! :)

I guess in all this venting what I am trying to say is, if someone tells you they are thinking of getting out. Please stop, don't judge, there are pro's and con's to both points of view and in the end it comes down to what is right for each family.

I want out! Ok so we (our family) has not made a final decision yet but I should not be judged for having the desire to get out. Most do at some point in this military life. Its not unrealistic or out of the ordinary to want and miss parts of civilian life!

1 comment:

  1. My husband and I were both active duty, and I decided to get out at 10 years because the military separated our duty stations! We bought a home in California that we only got to live in for 3 years, and it's been nothing but a pain in the butt since we no longer reside there. We talk ALL THE TIME about our "forever home", and all the things we want....and a playground is one of them! We wanted to get one here in New England for my daughter, but decided against it because we weren't sure if we'd be able to move it with us when we leave here in 3 years. I totally get how you feel! Some days, I LOVE this life...most's kinda cruddy. Good luck on your journeys!