Last night, I spent some time looking at deployment blogs and forums and the conclusion I have come to is: I am doing it all wrong! Almost everything I read was hostile, angry and or depressed. Then I get on Face book and hear of a woman cheating on her Marine. There I was thinking I was handling this thing pretty darn well, all full of pride in myself. But it looks like I have it all backwards.
So I start to analyze this situation, I need to find the core of my situation. Is it that I don’t love my husband, is that why I am not walking around hostile and depressed. No that not it, I miss him like crazy and would trade anything in this world to have him home with me. I still well up with tears when I hear certain love songs. I have good days and bad days. Days when only PJ’s and coffee are in my view. But when I have the bad days, I remind myself this too shall pass and we are one day closer to the end. Just keep going and the end will come into view. No, love is not the problem. Don’t I get lonely, the common reason for cheating is loneliness right. Well sure I get lonely but I get lonely for my husband. Lonely for his voice, his touch, his sarcasm, oddly enough even his sent. Yes, yes I do lonely but there is No one else other then him that will do. Maybe I don’t have enough stress in my life. Hum, I have had some really bad days. The kids and I all sick, bills come due, the house gets a mess, things break and go wrong, sleep is sometimes more of a memory or mystery then a reality. So yeah I get stressed but I don’t let it last. I take a breath and then laugh. Because life is life, things go wrong, things get tough, but I must go on.
Ah, that is my problem. there is more then one I see.
I love my husband and just don’t want to be. I don’t want to be angry or depressed. I don’t want to spend a year in misery. Bad days will come but they will also go, I’ll suck it up as I can and laugh as I go!
After all this analyzing I have come to see, I think I like doing it all wrong. I think it fits me!